The following quotes have been published on greeting cards, business sites, branding, and various retail formats from napkins to notepads. Many were written in a specific voice to appeal to the forty-year-plus female consumer.
- Life is a limited time offer.
- A blank page… anything is possible.
- You can’t judge the cover of an open book.
- They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you… Mine just points and laughs.
- Live every day like it’s your last? Yeah, like I’m going to drag those machines all over the place.
- Am I the only one who finds the phrase “The President’s Stimulus Package” troubling?
- I’m about one political debate away from registering as a Canadian!
- I’m not sleeping my way to the top. The middle is fine with me. Damn my lack of ambition.
- A fool and his money throw one hell of a party.
- What do people in the circus run away and join?
- Never judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes–unless he’s wearing clown shoes.
- Life is not always like a box of chocolates. It may look like chocolate but, in fact, it is not.
- When you’re filled with wonder, the world’s a wonderful place to be.
- That which does not kill us makes us bitter. Really, really bitter.
- They say you’re supposed to listen to your body, but we stopped talking years ago.
- A barrel of monkeys is only fun if you remember to cut air holes in the barrel. Otherwise it’s just a barrel of regret.
- I wore a thong once. Actually, I may still be wearing it. Who knows?
- The only men who have ever truly satisfied me were made of gingerbread.
- If I could have dinner with any three people, living or dead, I’d choose the living ones.
- I think I could sleep my way to the top. I’m really good at sleeping.
- Yay! I’m a double-amputation away from my goal weight.
- I’m about to open a can of whoop-ass… or tuna. Seriously, I can’t read the label.
- There’s now a patch to help people diet. You put it over your mouth.
- Everything wonderful and new starts with a dream.
- Time marches on… and if I were naked, you could see which route he takes.
- I’m not hard of hearing, I’ve just heard enough!
- If I had to live with seven men, I’d take the poison apple, too!
- They say your memory is the first thing to… something, something.
- The only doctor that’s ever made me feel better was named Pepper.
- Autumn: Rake. Bag. Gust. F%@#! Repeat.
- Before texting we used to talk behind people’s backs face-to-face.
- There’s a name for men who find me fascinating– paleontologists.
- A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius.
- Come, they told me. Pour rum! Pour rum! Yum!
- With age comes wisdom. Apparently “wisdom” weighs about 40 pounds.
- At over three dollars, a cup of Joe should at least go by “Joseph.”
- I’d bring sexy back if I could find the damn receipt.
- Lose weight? Why should the pallbearers have it easy?
- There’s no “I” in “TEAM,” but there’s always at least one big “A,” if you know what I mean.
- Okay, which came first? Exercise machines or garage sales?
- I have inner beauty… and I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.
2 thoughts on “PUBLISHED QUOTES”
I’m reaching out to see if you’re interested in writing a humorous feature story on surviving the holidays for Naperville magazine’s November issue. The due date would be mid-September.
I used to work at Sourcebooks (I managed the production of your Canada book) and I’m a big fan of your work. We can discuss more details if you’re interested & available.
Michelle- Thanks for reaching out. Sounds fun. Contact me at (816) 645-1591 and we can take it from there.