The following quotes have been published on greeting cards, business sites, branding, and various retail formats from napkins to notepads. Many were written in a specific voice to appeal to the forty-year-plus female consumer.

• Life is a limited time offer.
• A blank page… anything is possible. 
• You can’t judge the cover of an open book.
  
• They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you… Mine just points and laughs.
• Live every day like it’s your last? Yeah, like I’m going to drag those machines all over the place.
• Am I the only one who finds the phrase  “The President’s Stimulus Package” troubling?
• I’m about one political debate away from registering as a Canadian!
•  I’m not sleeping my way to the top. The middle is fine with me.  Damn my lack of ambition.
•  A fool and his money throw one hell of a party.
•  What do people in the circus run away and join?
• Never judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes–unless he’s wearing clown shoes.
• Life is not always like a box of chocolates.  It may look like chocolate but, in fact, it is not.
• When you’re filled with wonder, the world’s a wonderful place to be.
• That which does not kill us makes us bitter. Really, really bitter.
• They say you’re supposed to listen to your body, but we stopped talking years ago.
• A barrel of monkeys is only fun  if you remember to cut air holes in the barrel.  Otherwise it’s just a barrel of regret.
• I wore a thong once. Actually, I may still be wearing it. Who knows?
• The only men who have ever truly satisfied me were made of gingerbread.
• If I could have dinner with any three people, living or dead, I’d choose the living ones.
• I think I could sleep my way to the top. I’m really good at sleeping.
• Yay! I’m a double-amputation away from my goal weight.
• I’m about to open a can of whoop-ass… or tuna. Seriously, I can’t read the label.
• There’s now a patch to help people diet. You put it over your mouth.
• Everything wonderful and new starts with a dream.
• Time marches on… and if I were naked, you could see which route he takes.
• I’m not hard of hearing,  I’ve just heard enough!
• If I had to live with seven men,  I’d take the poison apple, too!
• They say your memory is the first thing to… something, something.
• The only doctor that’s ever made me feel better was named Pepper.
• Autumn: Rake. Bag. Gust. F%@#! Repeat.
• Before texting we used to talk behind people’s backs face-to-face.
• There’s a name for men who find me fascinating– paleontologists.
• A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius.
• Come, they told me. Pour rum! Pour rum! Yum!
• With age comes wisdom. Apparently “wisdom” weighs about 40 pounds.
• At over three dollars, a cup of Joe should at least go by “Joseph.”
• I’d bring sexy back if I could find the damn receipt.
• Lose weight? Why should the pallbearers have it easy?
• There’s no “I” in “TEAM,” but there’s always at least one big “A,” if you know what I mean.
• Okay, which came first? Exercise machines or garage sales?
• I have inner beauty… and I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.