The following quotes have been published on greeting cards, business sites, branding, and various retail formats from napkins to notepads. Many were written in a specific voice to appeal to the forty-year-plus female consumer.

André-cats quote


Polka Dot

  • Life is a limited time offer.
  • A blank page… anything is possible. 
  • You can’t judge the cover of an open book.
  • They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you… Mine just points and laughs.
  • Live every day like it’s your last? Yeah, like I’m going to drag those machines all over the place.
  • Am I the only one who finds the phrase  “The President’s Stimulus Package” troubling?
  • I’m about one political debate away from registering as a Canadian!
  •  I’m not sleeping my way to the top. The middle is fine with me.  Damn my lack of ambition.
  •  A fool and his money throw one hell of a party.
  •  What do people in the circus run away and join?
  • Never judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes–unless he’s wearing clown shoes.
  • Life is not always like a box of chocolates.  It may look like chocolate but, in fact, it is not.
  • When you’re filled with wonder, the world’s a wonderful place to be.
  • That which does not kill us makes us bitter. Really, really bitter.
  • They say you’re supposed to listen to your body, but we stopped talking years ago.
  • A barrel of monkeys is only fun  if you remember to cut air holes in the barrel.  Otherwise it’s just a barrel of regret.
  • I wore a thong once. Actually, I may still be wearing it. Who knows?
  • The only men who have ever truly satisfied me were made of gingerbread.
  • If I could have dinner with any three people, living or dead, I’d choose the living ones.
  • I think I could sleep my way to the top. I’m really good at sleeping.
  • Yay! I’m a double-amputation away from my goal weight.
  • I’m about to open a can of whoop-ass… or tuna. Seriously, I can’t read the label.
  • There’s now a patch to help people diet. You put it over your mouth.
  • Everything wonderful and new starts with a dream.
  • Time marches on… and if I were naked, you could see which route he takes.
  • I’m not hard of hearing,  I’ve just heard enough!
  • If I had to live with seven men,  I’d take the poison apple, too!
  • They say your memory is the first thing to… something, something.
  • The only doctor that’s ever made me feel better was named Pepper.
  • Autumn: Rake. Bag. Gust. F%@#! Repeat.
  • Before texting we used to talk behind people’s backs face-to-face.
  • There’s a name for men who find me fascinating– paleontologists.
  • A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius.
  • Come, they told me. Pour rum! Pour rum! Yum!
  • With age comes wisdom. Apparently “wisdom” weighs about 40 pounds.
  • At over three dollars, a cup of Joe should at least go by “Joseph.”
  • I’d bring sexy back if I could find the damn receipt.
  • Lose weight? Why should the pallbearers have it easy?
  • There’s no “I” in “TEAM,” but there’s always at least one big “A,” if you know what I mean.
  • Okay, which came first? Exercise machines or garage sales?
  • I have inner beauty… and I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.

2 thoughts on “PUBLISHED QUOTES

  1. Hi, Andre,
    I’m reaching out to see if you’re interested in writing a humorous feature story on surviving the holidays for Naperville magazine’s November issue. The due date would be mid-September.

    I used to work at Sourcebooks (I managed the production of your Canada book) and I’m a big fan of your work. We can discuss more details if you’re interested & available.


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